# 5-An Answer to Prayer

In the late nineties, an oil rig was placed five hundred feet from my home.
 
My neighbor across the road had a good view. She mentioned what she witnessed. From across the wide field between us, she could look out her window and see a ring of smoke circling my house. 
 
My home sat under the hill below the rig site. During the placement, the noise, smoke, and chemicals in the air were constant. My teenage son’s allergies were affected. It was frightening to wake in the middle of the night to my son coughing. Our home was full of smoke. The smoke irritating our eyes. It was hard to breath. First thought, our house was on fire! The loud noise confirmed, it was not our house.
 
I went to the man in charge. We were given an air conditioner to put in the window. The filter would clean the dirty air, I was told. It didn’t seem to work. After a few weeks, I was feeling mentally drained, very intimidated, and tired. I worked a full-time job. Friends at work knew what I was experiencing and saw the effects.
 
I had to trust those in charge. That their intentions were good and the best interest for the people in my community. I was also told, the fracking and placement would end in a few more weeks. 
 
After completion, there were times when a giant flame was visiable. It would shoot up into the sky from the site. I was ignorant, or to foggy brained to realize the connection to what might be happening to the air quality we were breathing.
 
In the next years, I began having unexplainable health issues.  “Foggy Brain,” anxieties, memory loss, depression, tired all the time, having difficulty making important decisions, allergies, a constant post-nasal-drip. I  just was not feeling right.  
 
Doctors seems baffled. My perfect blood pressure had gone from one-hundred and twenty-four over seventy two, to a high, one-hundred and sixty-eight over eighty-eight. They considered my age and a diagnosis of Menopause was given. I was placed on medications which seemed to add more issues. There was unexplainable weight gain and fatigue.
 
One very frightening memory is an unforgettable incident.  It occurred one morning in 2001. I woke very alarmed. My legs were like rubber. I couldn’t stand or walk straight. My head felt like a giant hang over. I hadn’t had any alcohol or drugs. Feeling fearful and in a state of panic, I struggled to shake it off. I had people counting on me. 
 
This was an important morning. I had just accepted a new position. I was responsible for a presentation representing my agency. I and my co-worker had spent weeks preparing for a community event.  Community leaders, teachers, local agencies and the new Director of our agency would be attending. It was very stressful trying to figure out what to do. I had to get a grip on whatever was happening to my body. Even if I was dying. I was committed to my job, the families, the children and people in my community. I pressed on in what felt like a life-threatening experience. 
 
I couldn’t call in sick and go to the emergency room. That didn't seem to be an option. The weird thinking, the stress and panic in the moment, add codependent behaviors, I neglected taking care of myself.
 
During the presentation I felt a shortness of breath and anxieties; but, I made it through the event feeling insecure and wired.
 
I made a visit to see a different doctor. Again, the doctor I visited was clueless. Her efforts to understand what I tried to share only seemed to confuse her. I was mis-diagnosed, again.
 
In the next years, several family trauma’s occurred. I wasn’t fully functioning. Bad decisions created more issues and problems. Haunting issues that would carry on for years.
 
An incident occurred at my place of employment. This was during a time when they knew I was trying to find what was “Wrong with me.”  Though I had followed protocol, they used it to their advantage. It was a traumatizing time to feel abandoned and abused by people I trusted. Harassment and intimidation was used to keep me off balanced.
 
As a result, I lost the job working in my communities with children and families. I loved my job of more than nine years. Working with others was more than just a job to me. I had made a difference in the lives of those I served.
 
I had to sell my home of eighteen years. I needed to start over in a new city at the age of fifty-two with a lot of fear and a lack of confidence. If not for my adult children, I would have been totally lost. I could barely function from feeling emotionally battered. 
 
Once in a bigger city, things gradually seemed to get better. I landed a good job. After a while, life was feeling good again. I was finding ways to feel happy and safe.
 
October 2011, I moved into a basement apartment of a co-worker's home. Right away I started to feel strange. I wondered if I was having a heart attack. I thought the physical activity of the move had been too much for my body. I was older now. The strain of going up and down stairs carrying boxes seemed to be more difficult than ever before.  
 
Something wasn’t right with me physically, again. I could feel it in my chest. I could feel my heart beating differently. My anxieties began to be an issue. Concerns at my work began to occur due to fear and anxieties. 
 
A co-worker noticed. My manager shared a comment made to her. Someone mentioned that I was acting weird. I knew I was and feeling weird. Luckily, we could talk openly.
 
Pain in my chest, anxieties, high blood pressure; I went to the medical clinic. EKG was run. Came back normal. Again, the young doctor was as baffled as I. He took extra care of me and showed real concern. 
 
When I mentioned that he reminded me of my military son; he said, "I'm military."

Turned out, he remembered my son’s name. He was in the same unit and had done the physicals on the latest group of guardsmen being deployed.
 
Another strange coincidence in my life experience, letting me know I was in the hands of a higher power. My thought, that is how I have learned to perceive strange coincidences.
 
I remember the young doctor’s concern and his patience in taking the time to just set and ponder with me. Again, the thought was to treat for allergies and see if that made any difference.
 
Four months later, I mentioned to a work associate, “I just don’t feel right.”  My wise friend, I had learned to trust said, “How close are you sleeping near the hot water tank?”
 
A light turned on. I was very close. I was having some of the same issues I had experienced ten years earlier at my home. Baffling, unexplainable mental and physical health issues that I nor my doctors could understand.

I asked the homeowner, if we could have the gas company come check for a gas leak.
 
A gas leak was found. The natural gas was turned off.
 
I came home from work to learn the young daughter had turned the gas back on. The next day, I was told that a friend had come and fixed the problem.
 
Two weeks later, when I entered the home, I smelt gas. I asked again to have the gas company come back. 
 
This second time, the real issue was found. The fireplace in the living room, had not  functioned properly. They were not using the fireplace. The reason it wasn’t functioning properly may have been due to the undiscovered gas leak. The fireplace was above the bedroom where I had been sleeping. Fumes had been penetrating downward. I had been breathing dangerous toxins.
 
My efforts to block the doorway to keep me safe from fumes from the hot water tank had been in vain.
 
This time the hose was completely removed from the fireplace, the valve turned off.
 
Recalling similar symptoms after the oil rig placement behind my home ten years earlier became very obvious. I could identify physical symptoms going on in my body.
 
The mystery finally solved ten years later, “What was wrong with me?”
 
A high rise in my blood pressure, heart beating differently, strange or different feeling in my chest, numbness of my face, headaches, sinus issues, body tremors, foggy brain, dizziness, short term memory loss, behavioral change (getting upset over little things, judgmental attitude), road rage, depression and high anxieties are among my experiences. Some of the strange behavioral changes were identifiable, over reacting a big concern.
 
The anxieties created havoc and worries affecting my relationships with others.
 
The memory loss I experienced often caused me to have feelings of terror. I would be driving. All of a sudden go into panic wondering, “Where am I?”  “Where am I going?”

This created a very strange feeling of fear.  I remember this occurring often after the oil rig had been placed behind my home and during exposure to natural gas poisoning.
 
After having experienced two identifiable leaks in my life time, chances of it happening again one would think unlikely. 
 
Another natural gas leak was experienced. I was exposed for three years before it was discovered. I realized the reason I had become depressed and was experiencing another behavioral change. This led to more heartbreak and poor decision making. I had placed myself in a situation where I was feeling intimidated. I realize now, feeling I was upsetting others, shut down my early concerns.
 
After the many exposures, I find my body more sensitive to fumes and chemical exposures of any kind.
I can recall several incidents that confirmed to me my sensitivities.  Trying to share with others often were only seen as my craziness.

The inversion during winter months, the gas run buses, getting gas at the pumps, gas stoves, spilled gas all have a physical effect on my brain and body. Like pouring gasoline over styrofoam, the styrofoam will melt. That is what my brain feels like. Other times, it may feel like my brain is swelling. Often this feeling was followed by the numbness. 
 
There is a positive education gained. I am thinking with more mental clarity, as I work at staying free from the toxins. At least, I do recognize good days.
 
During the time I was in a third home with a gas leak, I had been working with a counselor after recognizing a state of depression. After many visits and gaining a positive relationship I can now identify a change in her attitude  toward me. A look of concern that she gave me on the last appointments.  With winter, and cold days, I had kept the window closed in the basement bedroom.
 
The therapist recognized my brain processing was different. My thinking got stuck. She referred me to see a specialist known for brain reprograming.

It’s been over five years ago that this occurred, “the brain glitch” or my stuck thought patterns. 
My focus became trapped on specific negative subjects.

I can identify many incidents after exposures to toxins and the effects. 

Past trauma (PTSD) occurring during my childhood and teen years, added to insecure behaviors. Feelings of facing a world confused and alone distorted reality. No one seemed to understand what I was going through.
 
"Why would God do this to me again? Hadn't I been through enough?"

Why has it taken so long to put the pieces together? Why have I been given the opportunity to understand detailed importance? Is it because I am such a slow learner that I have repeated so many similar circumstances?

A light went on, God was giving me an answer prayer. 
 
My Father!  The understanding I had been hoping to find. The higher power gave me other greater understanding for my Father’s mental illness and his behaviors.
 
Not only did my Father come from a past of chemical exposures, but traumatic incidents as well. He was a machinist. His blackened fingernails and the smell of gasoline are strong memories. Answers to his mental illness, and learning more of the trauma he suffered as a child, I now understand. 
 
I had been living his blueprint for life. The home where we lived during his last years was heated by a gas furnace in our living room. During his early years, he had worked in the oil field.
 
I recall my Father being sensitive to caffeine. Like me to much and I can be up all night. My sensitivity to metals, I am unable to wear rings on my fingers for over a day or two without getting a rash.
 
People are different. Some can walk on fire or breath the bad air without noticeable damage. Others, may have problems and be more sensitive.
 
Awareness is my point. Doctors didn’t know what was wrong with me. I had to experience years of poor health and repeats to find answers.
 
In more recent years, I had an opportunity to speak with a community leader and past associate. When I shared how the oil rig had turned my life upside down; she quickly jumped to defend community choices. Her words,  “If one person has to suffer . . .that’s too bad . . .I want to drive my car . . . do you want to give up your car . . . it’s important for our local economy . . .  people need jobs . . . too bad if one person is affected . . .”
 
That must be the attitude of many.  I won't argue. I will just have hope for a higher intelligence to find a way to eliminate the sacrifices being made.
 
Every relationship important to me suffered. Major life decisions were made poorly due to being “under the influence” of toxic fumes. I don’t believe just one person suffered from my sensitivity.
 
When I hear of unexplainable horrific actions done by someone that shock family members and neighbors, I can't help but wonder if the perpetrator has a sensitivity and being exposed to a gas leak or toxins. Always my first thought for unexpected behavior. How many persons are in prison wondering “What was wrong with me?”  Violator struggling to understand their actions, who have lost their temper, or control. 

Who else is suffering a "Brain glitch?"
 
Why isn’t there more information available for people and more education available for doctors? I put a lot of efforts, time, energy and money trying to find “What was wrong with me?”

Studies continue to be done regarding health issues and the connection to our quality of air. 
 
I found during my online searches, many of the symptoms I had experienced along with those identified by others:-Sinus issues, -Skin rash, -Migraine headaches, -High blood pressure, -Behavioral change, odd behaviors, -Anxieties, -Foggy brain, -Chest pain, -Seizures, -Nauseous.
 
Pregnant women are warned cooking over gas stoves may have an effect their baby’s health. High cases of Autism have been connected to high levels of poor air quality is one claim I have heard.
 
I am not attempting to get on a political band wagon or create hostility. Due to my experience, I am attempting to make more awareness. By sharing the symptoms I have experience, I am in hopes it will help save someone else a lot of grief, time and money.
 
The coincidences in my life seem to repeat. There is a higher power clearly identifiable in my life experiences.  When I began to recognize the coincidences on my personal journey, more understanding came to light.
 
We, intelligent adult leaders, are capable of making a healthier world and making it better for our next generation. 
 
One story, I remember about my Father, was told by Russ, a good family friend. Russ and his wife went for a mountain drive with my Dad at the wheel. My Dad wanted to show Russ something. The large van went up the mountain side and over bumpy roads. When they reached a spot, my Dad parked. He looked at Russ. Russ described the strange look on my Dad’s face as he said, “How did I get here?”
 
Russ said it was like my Dad just woke up. He had no recall of the trip. No idea where he was or how he had gotten there. He lost memory, like he was in a state of “Sleep Walking.”
 
Russ said it was very scary to think of the journey they had just made on dangerous road conditions.
 
I believe,  my Father become highly sensitive to the chemicals, medications, fumes he had been exposed. This lead to odd thinking, abusive behaviors, and his suicide.
 
I am full of gratitude, that my prayer for understanding my Father has been made more clear to me.
 
I am grateful, God does answer our desires. Even if it takes a life time. God, higher power, Great Spirit, Grandfather, Jesus, Lord, whatever name fits one’s cultural or religious beliefs, I know prayers are answered by a great creator or entity. We are never alone.